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Goddess Musings

Witch. Photographer. Writer. Runner. Dreamer.

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Manifesting

The Witches that watch over my magical space.

A few weeks ago, I came across an article about manifesting goals or dreams and how from a scientific perspective, it wasn’t possible. I didn’t finish reading the entire article; I got sidetracked (hello ADHD!) and I’ve hunted for it to no avail. But it did get me thinking.

They aren’t wrong. But they aren’t right either. It’s true, from a purely scientific perspective, you likely cannot 100% prove that you can manifest your goals or dreams. I mean, if you are a 5’2” woman and you state that you want to be a 6’ tall super model, we all know that’s not going to happen. But, that isn’t manifesting. That is wishful thinking.

I’ve heard manifesting referred to as the “New Age” form of prayer. And it really isn’t any different than Christian prayer. Or a spell that a Witch would cast.

Manifesting, isn’t any different. You are speaking your goals and dreams into being. It’s more than that too. Just because you speak it, doesn’t make it so. It’s the work that you put into it after you speak it.

Whether you are casting a spell, praying to a God (any God/Goddess), or manifesting something you seek, it’s not as simple as saying the words and then sitting down to wait for it to happen or materialize.

As a Witch, anytime I cast a spell, I’m putting my intention and will out into the universe. It doesn’t stop there though. I still have to continue to do my part. There is always a price for manifesting, praying or casting spells. I am reluctant to use the word “sacrifice” because that can be taken very out of context when discussing Witchcraft. But it’s an accurate term. Only that sacrifice would be of your time and energy. And that sacrifice is required no matter what religion or deity you pray to.

If we’re manifesting wealth, we have to work on our finances; focus on saving money. We may have to invest in additional schooling or training to enhance our skills to advance our career. Or if you’re manifesting a healthier body, we have to change our behaviors.

When casting a spell, or manifesting something, we have to be specific. Are you looking for a new job? Write out what it is you want, be specific, write down the job a field you want to work in, add in details – salary, benefits, location, etc. This applies to anything you seek. You want to be specific. Then realistically look at what you’ve written, what additional work do you need to do to obtain said goal? Make a plan and start working towards it while asking the universe, Goddess/God for their help and guidance.

Be open to what may present itself to you as you work toward manifesting what you’re seeking. What the universe has in store for you may not be exactly what you wrote down. It could be even better than you dreamed! Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith and trust that the universe has our best interests at heart.

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Connection. Power. Purpose.

Last week, I did one of those hidden word memes where the first three words you see are supposed to be for whatever. My first three words were connection, power, purpose. In that order.

It’s interesting how the universe is able to put into very specific words the feelings I’ve been experiencing. And just when I needed to read them. I’ve been searching, but had not really given exact words to it. I’ve been restless, but not knowing exactly for what; I have strong ideas of what, but was just not articulating it well. And then I read those words. They completely sum up how I’ve been feeling and the work I need to do.

Spiritually, I have been drifting for a quite some time. Since 2020, I have been pulled to reconnect with my spiritual side and my Practice. I started rebuilding my library of books on the Craft. Acquiring new copies of many books, and discovering new authors to add to my collection.

The fact that connection, power, and purpose are the three words I saw confirms to me that my decision to step back into an active role in the Pagan community is my path. It will not be an easy path, but I’ve never been known for choosing the easy way.

As I’m working to fully embrace my own magic power and purpose, I’ve accepted that I need to continue to heal too. Heal from my own trauma and the generational family trauma I carry. It’s time to make peace with those things, lay them down and set them free.

I’m bought a copy of Heal the Witch Wound by Celeste Larsen a couple of months ago. If I’m being honest, it took me those couple of months to read it not because I was deep in other reading material, but rather good old procrastination. It’s a heavy subject. But I started reading it over the weekend and so much of it rings true. Yes, it is heavy, but that heaviness has been part of my soul for a long time. Reading it not only validates that part of myself I don’t discuss for fear of being thought crazy, but it has made it easier to carry. It’s part of healing and growing.

I’ve journaled a lot about these words. About the process of healing. About embracing my Witch identity. In New Orleans, I was very open and public in my practice. I relocated to New England about 15 years ago and have been pretty private. I lived in Salem, MA for several years and was still private! Of all places!

But, I was also going through a ton of things; divorce, a miserable job, literally running away from my feelings and problems training for a marathon. I was not in a right mindset to practice. After hitting rock bottom pretty much, I began to climb my way out of that dark time. I worked on myself a lot. Not spiritually per se, but I focused on changing my career, building my skills and overhauling my life into someone I loved again.

The spiritual growth came later. It’s happened in fits and starts over the years, but it’s a key focus going forward. It has to be if I’m going to embrace my Connection, Power, Purpose.

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Pisces New Moon

This new moon feels more of a new year to me than the beginning of the calendar year. I think March has always been the “new year” for me rather than January first.

I’ve always felt the need to hibernate during the winter months. For years I always beat myself up for being lazy and unmotivated. I used to joke that I was part bear for wanting to hibernate. It has taken many trips around the sun to realize that I’m not either of those things. In fact, I am very in tune with Mother Earth.

During the winter months, the land is barren and asleep. Our crops have been harvested and it is time to give the land rest. We are meant to do the same during the dark, cold winter months. We were not meant to go-go-go all year long. We need those dark months to turn inward. That is the time to focus on yourself. Your spirit. Your connection to the Divine. It’s a time to rest and reset.

Crocuses in bloom.

March has finally arrived though and our days are getting longer. Mother Earth is starting to wake up from her winter slumber. My crocuses have started to bloom! My tulips and daffodils have peaked up a few inches in their beds. My own energy is returning. I too, am waking up.

I’ve been spring cleaning like crazy. Out the with old! It’s time to make room for the new! It’s time to purge that which no longer serves me, and purging I have been doing. The “Stuff” that has accumulated over the years has gotten a bit out of hand. I’ve been donating and tossing things to make room in my home. This purging has made a lot of room for a lot of fresh, new energy inside these old walls.

New broom I made above my ancestral altar.

This new moon is a time to set intentions for the coming seasons. I have been a solitary Witch for the last 15 years or so. When I lived in New Orleans, I practiced regularly with a very tight knit group. That group is where I trained and learned my Craft. After relocating, I never connected with any group. I’m not sure why exactly, but I took a long break and just practiced alone. In the last few years though, I have felt the pull to step back into the Pagan Community as an active participant. But I never actually did it. I kept thinking, but not doing. Well, it’s time to do!

I have not found a specific group yet. But over the last few months, that pull has become much more insistent. Demanding! It’s literally a scream in my head insisting that I use my voice. That I once again become an active member of the Pagan community. It’s time to embrace my magic, meet other like minded souls where I live now.

I have started looking for those beautiful souls. Our world is a mess. The Witches need to come together, band together to be a force for good. I would love to build a community of Witches (and Witch friendly) to practice with, but also a community that strives for a peaceful harmony with the earth. We don’t all have to believe the same thing from a religious or spiritual perspective; I believe it’s more important that we all come together with an openness to believe all of our paths are valid. Can such a group exist? In a world with so much discord, honestly, I’m not sure. But I’d like to try.

Is that a tall order for this year, or what?! I have smaller intentions too. I am continuing to do a massive spring cleaning. I am making my plans for the garden too. My husband found a set of plans to build a larger tiered herb garden. I want to grow and dry our extra herbs this summer. I have several herbs that I want to grow for teas. We live in an urban setting, so we have container garden beds.

A part of that intention setting is to write more too. In my journal and here. I’ll be writing a lot on this journey to finding my voice, my new tribe, and my place in all of it. I don’t know where this is going to lead me, but I trust The Goddess to show me the path.

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The New Moon in Cancer

This week was the New Moon. I have been focusing on the New Moon more this year than I have in past years. This years Llewellyn’s Witches’ Datebook has a section on working with the New Moon and I decided to intentionally do some New Moon work this year.

Unfortunately, for June, I did not get to do any planned ritual. I’m nursing a case of COVID this week and just not feeling my best. I did however, spend some time rereading and setting some intentions.

Directly from Llewellyn’s Witches’ Datebook, “The New Moon in Cancer is a time to create intentions around self-care, nurturing, belonging, family, home, hearth, and security.”

During this pandemic, I really turned my focus inward to home and hearth. My original intention was finding local sources for things that were in short supply, and where I could, natural or minimally processed sources. Meat and eggs were in short supply early on and we started frequenting a local dairy. We’ve continued this and signed up for a vegetable CSA through that dairy. We’ve started getting a meat CSA through another farm and also get local fish.

I started looking for reusable or more environmentally friendly options to paper products and found bamboo paper towels, toilet paper and tissues. The bamboo paper towels are compostable, so less of them go into the trash. Plus, bamboo grows much faster than trees. I do use cloth towels as much as possible. The toilet paper works well too. The only thing I didn’t love in the bamboo is the tissues, they are a bit rough and scratchy on the face if you’ve got a cold and blowing your nose a lot.

As I rebuild my practice, I’ve also started rebuilding my herb collection. Not just herbs for ritual use, but also for medicinal use too, where appropriate. I’m definitely a believer in Western medicine, but I also believe in utilizing Eastern medicine and herbal remedies. A good chunk of my current reading list if books on herbalism and making natural products for the home.

Some of my summer reading list.

Hearth, home, family, and self care; for me these all tie in together with getting back to living closer to the earth. Closer to the Goddess and reconnecting with nature.

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Always Find the Time

Six weeks ago today, my best friend died very suddenly.

We had not talked on the phone in months, possibly as long as a year. We’d texted, but that’s never the same. I used to think that I’d call her on the weekend, and then the weekend would come, I’d get busy, and suddenly it was Monday and I never called.

She had been my best friend since we were about 13 years old. There was a 3rd friend to round out our little trio, but we’d long since lost touch with her. D and I always stayed in touch, no matter how far apart we were living. We grew up together in Los Angeles, but life took me to New Orleans from many years, and eventually ending up on the East Coast.

She was that friend that I could call anytime things went sideways. We’d had many late night calls, filled with tears, some happy, some sad, as we supported each other in the ways only those sister-friends can. She was that “ride or die” friend. We had many adventures over the years. When I lived in Nola, she’d frequently visit during the summer when she was off work.

One year a local old theater, Saenger Theater for any locals, played old movies. I’d gotten tickets for us so we could go, we watched “Rear Window” and another movie I can’t recall at the moment. We loved it.

On another trip, we were home one rainy afternoon and made a pitcher of margaritas. I had been talking about a couple of home renovation projects that I’d been planning for that fall. After a couple of those margaritas, D talked me into ripping all of the carpet out of the bedrooms, “…to get a jumpstart on redoing the floor!” And after those margaritas, it did seem like a great idea…until we’d actually ripped it out and realized how bad a shape the hardwood was underneath. We laughed as I made phone calls to suddenly start that project sooner than later.

We hadn’t seen each other in person in over 10 years. Life just took a lot of unexpected turns for both of us. I flew out for her wedding in 2008; I never dreamed that would be the last time I saw her in person.

I miss her everyday. I have thought of a thousand things that I should text her, only to remember she’s gone.

Always make the phone call. Write the email. Type out the text. Take the time to connect with your loved ones, before the time is gone.

D loved roses. I’ll never see a rose and not think of her.
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Renewing My Wiccan Practice

I have not actively practiced or been part of a group in well over a decade. I still consider myself an Eclectic witch and follower of the Wiccan path. It is similar to any other faith or belief in that respect I suppose; just because you don’t practice doesn’t mean you are no longer of that faith.

I used to be very active in the Pagan community in New Orleans. I was part of a tight knit group; that particular group is no more, or rather, not in that incarnation. After Hurricane Katrina, much of our group relocated, including myself. I lived in Nola for a bit over a year afterwards, but eventually work and life took me elsewhere. I made a couple of pitstops in other areas for a few years before moving to New England. I checked out a couple of groups up here, but none of them clicked for me.

Over the years I’ve always noted the change of seasons, and the different holidays as the Wheel of the Year turned. I didn’t do anything to celebrate them otherwise and had not set up an alter in my home in years. This past summer though, something awakened in me demanding I pay attention to my path once again. We all walk our own path and I certainly had a journey back to mine.

I spent most of the fall in my head, thinking of returning to active practice. A dear friend and High Priestess would tell me to stop thinking and just start doing. She’s not wrong. She’s been gone from this earth for 5 years now and I can still hear her voice in my head telling me to stop overthinking it.

All of that thinking this fall has lead me to some decisions. I debated finding a group, but I’ve decided to keep a solitary practice for now. While I do enjoy a likeminded community, I’d rather remain solitary until the Goddess presents the right group, time and situation. I’m rebuilding my Book of Shadows. When I divorced, my ex and I dissolved our shared BoS. In addition to starting to write here on my blog, I’ve started keeping a journal as well. Writing has always been important to me, so I am starting to write again, both for private and for public use.

I set my alter back up for the first time in ages. It’s a work in progress. I have some things that were given to me that I have saved and cherished; other things I’ve acquired over the last few months. There are some things I’ll buy and others I’ll make. I remind myself I don’t need any of it to actually practice, but I find certain things help my focus and concentration. I’ll post some pictures of my alter in the coming weeks as I get it ready for the full moon and Imbolc.

My library took a huge loss when I divorced too. My ex kept most of the pagan books and honestly, I’m fine with that, it freed me to build a library of my choosing. I’ve bought a lot of books over the last few months and I’m diving deep into my reading. While going through boxes in my cellar, I came across my course work from my year as a novice and initiation. I’m going to reread that and incorporate it into my library.

I’m not sure where my path will lead me, but I’m looking forward to walking it once again.

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Happy Mardi Gras!

In some parts of the world, today is Mardi Gras. Elsewhere, like here in New Hampshire, it’s just Tuesday.

I miss Mardi Gras. Today is technically the day you say, “Happy Mardi Gras!” The season actually starts on January 6th and builds up to Mardi Gras Day. The season is referred to as Carnival. When I live in New Orleans, I celebrated Mardi Gras every year. It’s just what you do in New Orleans. I always enjoyed the parades and floats.

One of my favorite parades is a small walking parade, St. Anne’s parade. It starts down in Bywater, just a few doors down from the house I owned for a few years. My then husband and I would dress up and join the other Mardi Gras revelers in a slow stroll towards the French Quarter. More people joined the parade as it went along through the neighborhoods. By the time it got to the end of The Faubourg Marigny, it was pretty large. There were lots of people in costumes, some elaborate and involved lots of material. Others involved nothing more than a lot of body paint. Carnival and Mardi Gras Day is about the only time of year you will probably not get arrested for public nudity…at least women won’t. And in some parts of town, the men either. It was prime people watching. This parade was mostly locals. It started around 9 or 10am and a lot of the group were already deep in their cups by then…some likely never stopping from the previous night. There was lots of musicians, sometimes not always playing the same tune, but always having fun.

There are many things I miss about New Orleans during Mardi Gras. King Cake! Yes, I could order one, but it’s not the same as being there. Besides, what would I do with an entire king cake?! And Popeye’s! This is the one time of year I would eat Popeye’s and not care about the calories. I miss weird things too. Walking home from the French Quarter back to campus in college because the street cars didn’t run all the way to the FQ during Carnival. A group of us would stumble down the neutral ground on St. Charles Ave back to campus. Sidewalk side…Neutral Ground side. Go cups; although this is a year-round thing, not a Mardi Gras thing.

I don’t have many pictures from the years of Mardi Gras I attended. We never took cameras with us and those were the days before cell phone cameras. Or good cell phone cameras. The little flip phones of the early 00’s didn’t have quality cameras. All of my pictures are in my head instead of committed to digital memory.

This year Mardi Gras and all of the parades were canceled back in November or some such. Since we are still living in a pandemic, it was a smart decision, in my opinion. New Orleanians were creative in how they’ve chosen to celebrate this year. The parades may have been cancelled, but celebrating such an important season in Nola culture is not cancelled! Many friends have posted pictures on Facebook and Insta this year of the house float decorations. People either DIY’d their own decorations to turn their homes/yards/porches into Mardi Gras floats or they hired local artists that usually create and build elaborate floats for the Mardi Gras krews. I’ve loved seeing them and I personally am hoping it becomes a new part of the culture to celebrate the Carnival season.

Happy Mardi, y’all!

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Finding Balance

I started this blog 4 years ago and made 2 posts and then I let it be silent. I wasn’t sure what I had to say or if there was a point to documenting it if I did. My interests are varied and I kept thinking they didn’t fit together well to make a blog because how many photographer-runner-writer-witches are there out there? It’s taken me those 4 years to realize it doesn’t matter. That’s who I am. I am writing for me. If someone reads this and chooses to follow along on this strange adventure, I’ll welcome them and hope they gain something from one or more of those aspects of me.

It’s not lost on me that I’m resurrecting this blog at the beginning of a new year. This isn’t a resolution of any kind, I refuse to set those, I never stick with them. I am, however, setting a word for this year. Create. This last year has brought home to me how important it is to take time to do things we enjoy. I want to spend more time on my photography and writing.

I have spent much of the last 7 years growing my career, and while that’s important, I’ve let it be all encompassing much of that time. I like my career and job. I’m good at it and I make a nice living. I’m VERY grateful to have my career, but there is zero creativity to it. It’s all numbers and dates. Growing up I hated math and numbers and even chose my degree based on what required the least amount of math! Ha! And now, I spend my days living in Microsoft Project. I’m still continuing to learn and further my career, but I’m at a place in life that it’s not “all work, all the time.” I’ve done that and it got me a career, but also, depression, anxiety, and complete burnout.

Flower in a Railing, London, UK

In 2019, M and I took a trip to the UK for a couple of weeks. We spent a week in Scotland, and a week in England. While we were in England, we did a photography tour. As we were walking to a little chapel, I saw these flowers tucked into the railing leading down some steps. I still wonder about the story behind these flowers. Who were they meant for? How did they end up tucked between a railing and an old wall? It was just a quick snap as we were going along and it has ended up being one of my favorite pictures of that trip. They remind me to look for the beauty, no matter what.

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Coming Full Circle

Goddess Musings is a monicker I’ve been writing under in some form or another for about 15 years.
I’ve been a witch for over 20 years.
I’ve been a runner for 10 years or so.
I’ve been a photographer for many, many more.

We all take breaks from things we love. I’ve taken various breaks from all of these things.  I’ve had many reasons and excuses- some valid, most probably not. Some breaks have been because I lost my path, or intentionally stepped off the path. Life is a journey, not a destination. I think we all forget that, and forget to enjoy the journey instead of racing to obtain more, bigger, better everything. I know I’m guilty of it!

It’s time to step back on my path to once again find those things I love. To find those things that have always been a part of me. It’s time to find me again (cliche, yes, but true nonetheless). All of them. Maybe not all in the same day, but baby steps.

So this is where I’ll be blogging about that journey and the adventures and photography along the way.

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