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Goddess Musings

Witch. Photographer. Writer. Runner. Dreamer.

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Connection. Power. Purpose.

Last week, I did one of those hidden word memes where the first three words you see are supposed to be for whatever. My first three words were connection, power, purpose. In that order.

It’s interesting how the universe is able to put into very specific words the feelings I’ve been experiencing. And just when I needed to read them. I’ve been searching, but had not really given exact words to it. I’ve been restless, but not knowing exactly for what; I have strong ideas of what, but was just not articulating it well. And then I read those words. They completely sum up how I’ve been feeling and the work I need to do.

Spiritually, I have been drifting for a quite some time. Since 2020, I have been pulled to reconnect with my spiritual side and my Practice. I started rebuilding my library of books on the Craft. Acquiring new copies of many books, and discovering new authors to add to my collection.

The fact that connection, power, and purpose are the three words I saw confirms to me that my decision to step back into an active role in the Pagan community is my path. It will not be an easy path, but I’ve never been known for choosing the easy way.

As I’m working to fully embrace my own magic power and purpose, I’ve accepted that I need to continue to heal too. Heal from my own trauma and the generational family trauma I carry. It’s time to make peace with those things, lay them down and set them free.

I’m bought a copy of Heal the Witch Wound by Celeste Larsen a couple of months ago. If I’m being honest, it took me those couple of months to read it not because I was deep in other reading material, but rather good old procrastination. It’s a heavy subject. But I started reading it over the weekend and so much of it rings true. Yes, it is heavy, but that heaviness has been part of my soul for a long time. Reading it not only validates that part of myself I don’t discuss for fear of being thought crazy, but it has made it easier to carry. It’s part of healing and growing.

I’ve journaled a lot about these words. About the process of healing. About embracing my Witch identity. In New Orleans, I was very open and public in my practice. I relocated to New England about 15 years ago and have been pretty private. I lived in Salem, MA for several years and was still private! Of all places!

But, I was also going through a ton of things; divorce, a miserable job, literally running away from my feelings and problems training for a marathon. I was not in a right mindset to practice. After hitting rock bottom pretty much, I began to climb my way out of that dark time. I worked on myself a lot. Not spiritually per se, but I focused on changing my career, building my skills and overhauling my life into someone I loved again.

The spiritual growth came later. It’s happened in fits and starts over the years, but it’s a key focus going forward. It has to be if I’m going to embrace my Connection, Power, Purpose.

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Always Find the Time

Six weeks ago today, my best friend died very suddenly.

We had not talked on the phone in months, possibly as long as a year. We’d texted, but that’s never the same. I used to think that I’d call her on the weekend, and then the weekend would come, I’d get busy, and suddenly it was Monday and I never called.

She had been my best friend since we were about 13 years old. There was a 3rd friend to round out our little trio, but we’d long since lost touch with her. D and I always stayed in touch, no matter how far apart we were living. We grew up together in Los Angeles, but life took me to New Orleans from many years, and eventually ending up on the East Coast.

She was that friend that I could call anytime things went sideways. We’d had many late night calls, filled with tears, some happy, some sad, as we supported each other in the ways only those sister-friends can. She was that “ride or die” friend. We had many adventures over the years. When I lived in Nola, she’d frequently visit during the summer when she was off work.

One year a local old theater, Saenger Theater for any locals, played old movies. I’d gotten tickets for us so we could go, we watched “Rear Window” and another movie I can’t recall at the moment. We loved it.

On another trip, we were home one rainy afternoon and made a pitcher of margaritas. I had been talking about a couple of home renovation projects that I’d been planning for that fall. After a couple of those margaritas, D talked me into ripping all of the carpet out of the bedrooms, “…to get a jumpstart on redoing the floor!” And after those margaritas, it did seem like a great idea…until we’d actually ripped it out and realized how bad a shape the hardwood was underneath. We laughed as I made phone calls to suddenly start that project sooner than later.

We hadn’t seen each other in person in over 10 years. Life just took a lot of unexpected turns for both of us. I flew out for her wedding in 2008; I never dreamed that would be the last time I saw her in person.

I miss her everyday. I have thought of a thousand things that I should text her, only to remember she’s gone.

Always make the phone call. Write the email. Type out the text. Take the time to connect with your loved ones, before the time is gone.

D loved roses. I’ll never see a rose and not think of her.
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Renewing My Wiccan Practice

I have not actively practiced or been part of a group in well over a decade. I still consider myself an Eclectic witch and follower of the Wiccan path. It is similar to any other faith or belief in that respect I suppose; just because you don’t practice doesn’t mean you are no longer of that faith.

I used to be very active in the Pagan community in New Orleans. I was part of a tight knit group; that particular group is no more, or rather, not in that incarnation. After Hurricane Katrina, much of our group relocated, including myself. I lived in Nola for a bit over a year afterwards, but eventually work and life took me elsewhere. I made a couple of pitstops in other areas for a few years before moving to New England. I checked out a couple of groups up here, but none of them clicked for me.

Over the years I’ve always noted the change of seasons, and the different holidays as the Wheel of the Year turned. I didn’t do anything to celebrate them otherwise and had not set up an alter in my home in years. This past summer though, something awakened in me demanding I pay attention to my path once again. We all walk our own path and I certainly had a journey back to mine.

I spent most of the fall in my head, thinking of returning to active practice. A dear friend and High Priestess would tell me to stop thinking and just start doing. She’s not wrong. She’s been gone from this earth for 5 years now and I can still hear her voice in my head telling me to stop overthinking it.

All of that thinking this fall has lead me to some decisions. I debated finding a group, but I’ve decided to keep a solitary practice for now. While I do enjoy a likeminded community, I’d rather remain solitary until the Goddess presents the right group, time and situation. I’m rebuilding my Book of Shadows. When I divorced, my ex and I dissolved our shared BoS. In addition to starting to write here on my blog, I’ve started keeping a journal as well. Writing has always been important to me, so I am starting to write again, both for private and for public use.

I set my alter back up for the first time in ages. It’s a work in progress. I have some things that were given to me that I have saved and cherished; other things I’ve acquired over the last few months. There are some things I’ll buy and others I’ll make. I remind myself I don’t need any of it to actually practice, but I find certain things help my focus and concentration. I’ll post some pictures of my alter in the coming weeks as I get it ready for the full moon and Imbolc.

My library took a huge loss when I divorced too. My ex kept most of the pagan books and honestly, I’m fine with that, it freed me to build a library of my choosing. I’ve bought a lot of books over the last few months and I’m diving deep into my reading. While going through boxes in my cellar, I came across my course work from my year as a novice and initiation. I’m going to reread that and incorporate it into my library.

I’m not sure where my path will lead me, but I’m looking forward to walking it once again.

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Coming Full Circle

Goddess Musings is a monicker I’ve been writing under in some form or another for about 15 years.
I’ve been a witch for over 20 years.
I’ve been a runner for 10 years or so.
I’ve been a photographer for many, many more.

We all take breaks from things we love. I’ve taken various breaks from all of these things.  I’ve had many reasons and excuses- some valid, most probably not. Some breaks have been because I lost my path, or intentionally stepped off the path. Life is a journey, not a destination. I think we all forget that, and forget to enjoy the journey instead of racing to obtain more, bigger, better everything. I know I’m guilty of it!

It’s time to step back on my path to once again find those things I love. To find those things that have always been a part of me. It’s time to find me again (cliche, yes, but true nonetheless). All of them. Maybe not all in the same day, but baby steps.

So this is where I’ll be blogging about that journey and the adventures and photography along the way.

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